#humor

I once again fought against the desire to bitch-slap a faerie ↗

I had a quicksand box as a kid. I was an only child... eventually. ↗

I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#blemish #funny #grotesque #humor #mustache

Honesty is always good, except when it's better to lie. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #humor

Are you mad?" I ask. "I was." He glances at the ceiling then back at me. "Or confused, anyway. The whole thing threw me through for a loop. I thought I'd finally met a guy at Underwood I could relate to, and it turns out he wasn't a guy at all." I swallow. "I can see how that would be weird." "In a way though, I was relieved." "Relieved?" I echo. "Why?" He looks around embarrased. "Let's just say you had me questioning my sexual orientation. ↗

— Jody Gehrman

#humor #laugh #humor

But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice! ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

Still nothing," Raven answered "This is shitty. We are going to have to invest in heat sensors. These motion detectors blow Satan's left nut. ↗

— Gabrielle Evans

#humor #serious #faith

For Frito-Lay!" - Newel and Doren ↗

— Brandon Mull

#doren #fablehaven #frito #humor #lay

A metaphor is like a simile. ↗