#humor

Integrity is a bugger, it really is. Lying can get you into difficulties, but to really wind up in the crappers try telling nothing but the truth. ↗

— David Mitchell

#lying #truth #humor

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #writing #funny

This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?" When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said, "We're going to show you what we think of Mr Clever Dick in these parts... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humor

Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand; pen mighter than the sword and so forth. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#guns #humor #literature #humor

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy offers this definition of the word "Infinite". Infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, "wow, that's big", time. Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#douglas-adams #humor #humor

You are a sad, sad little man and you have my pity. — Buzz Lightyear ↗

— Cathy East Dubowski

#pity #humor

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#humor

Unrequited love is so boring. Weeping under a blue-black sky is for suckers or maniacs. ↗

— Alice Hoffman

#romance #unrequited-love #humor

- Did you really save the world ?... - Mostly I was saving my own ass. Just happend that the world was in the same spot. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

He smiled. "I suppose I thought we'd have a madly impractical, terrifyingly modern sort of marriage. One based on love. Not to mention dangerous undertakings and hair's-breadth escapes from burning buildings, high ledges and exploding sewers." "And bickering." "Always that, yes." "Assuming I want to marry at all." "True. I know of no good way of forcing you to do anything." "And you're mad enough to think it could work - one day?" He cupped her face in his hands. His smile was so brilliant it seemed to illuminate the room. "I think it would be heaven." She trembled, then. "You have a very strange idea of heaven." "Kiss me and see. ↗

— Y.S. Lee

#love #marriage #romance #humor