#humor

Not my finest hour," he says, shaking his head. "You realize you did it for no reason," I say. I tell him about talking to my dad and explain that I was crying because of that. "That information would have been useful BEFORE I shoved him in the pool. ↗

— Heather Hepler

#friendship #humor #love #friendship

I'd rather be single, happy, and lonely sometimes than married, lonely, and happy sometimes. ↗

— Mark Fiore

#friendship #humor #life-purpose #love #marriage

Let’s just say, there’s not much of a moon out tonight,” Nose continued anyway, “but if Yale joined us, there would be. ↗

— Ripley Patton

#friendship #humor #provocation #supernatural #friendship

Animals obviously ranked higher in Michaela's world view than humans. Having seen some of the things humans were capable of, Elena couldn't disagree. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

Right," she said, "We're going to the Land of the Dead and I shouldn't think negative. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #negative #percy-jackson #positive #underworld

I stared at him (Dionysus). "You're...you're married? But I thought you got in trouble for chasing a wood nymph- ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #hypocrite #percy-jackson #humor

Where are you from? New York?" "Weird you picked up on that," she said, "I've been gone from there for so long." Like a couple of decades could dilute that accent. ↗

— Cathie Beck

#friendship #humor #memoir #friendship

What exactly did having needs mean, while he was on the subject? That Delaney needed to have sex? that she craved an orgasm? And if that were the case, why couldn't she just take care of the matter on her won in the privacy of her home without putting him through all this torture? Anything was preferable to the thought of her being with Jake. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#humor #needs #romance #sex #friendship

A brick could be tied to a cape, and then exalted as a superhero. Is that any more absurd than Superman?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used to trick a bull into charging at you. After you trick the bull, trick a bear next, and then by that time all the investors will be playing your game, not even knowing that you are the Blanket Master that controls the world.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny