#humor

Why is it that at a bachelor's establishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information. I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I have often observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand. Good Heavens! Is marriage so demoralizing as that? I believe it is a very pleasant state, sir. I have had very little experience of it myself up to the present. I have only been married once. That was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and a young person. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#marriage #experience

Walking was a habit he'd been unwilling to give up. He couldn't see the point in shutting himself up in a vehivle any more often than he had to, doing damage to the earth and the air in order to avoid using his body. People did just that all the time, though. Most claimed they needed to save time. It was true they had little enough of that-- their lives were so soon ended. But Nathan didn't see them treating time as precious otherwise. They'd sit in their cars at a fast-food place for fifteen minutes when it would be quicker to park and go inside. No, he blamed the modern culture of urgency. Only the most urgent sensations, emotions, and situations were considered important. They called it living life to the fullest. Not surprisingly, many sought numbness in alcohol or the pervasive voyeurism of reality TV while others tried to live a perpetual peak experience through drugs, sex, or celebrity. Ordinary lives, ordinary living had little value. Nathan thought people needed to wash dishes by hand sometimes. Prepare their own meals more often. And take walks. ↗

— Eileen Wilks

#inspirational #life #urgency #experience

Got any mood music?” “If you press Play on the stereo you’re going to hear Miley Cyrus.” “I don’t know who that is.” “Count your blessings. ↗

— Tere Michaels

#parenting-humor #faith

You don’t like my restaurant, Miss Connor?” “I couldn’t say since the waiting list to get in is six months long.” One side of his mouth curved up. “This is true.” His finger lingered, and I tried to swallow the nervous lump in my throat. “I think you can call me by my first name now, seeing as how you’re touching my boob. That puts us a little past formality, don’t you think? ↗

— Jenny Lyn

#food-and-sex #funny #humor #jenny-lyn #sarcasm

Faith is hoping that the wizard behind the curtain will explain what the flying monkeys had to do with you realizing that there is no place like home. ↗

— Shannon L. Alder

#hope #humor #wizard-of-oz #faith

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. ↗

— Langston Hughes

#air #cleanse #cool #earth #like

I visited Jobs for the last time in his Palo Alto, Calif., home. He had moved to a downstairs bedroom because he was too weak to go up and down stairs. He was curled up in some pain, but his mind was still sharp and his humor vibrant. ↗

— Walter Isaacson

#because #bedroom #down #downstairs #go

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant. ↗

— Washington Irving

#companionship #equal #good #honest #humor

You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other. ↗

— Steve Irwin

#cruel #each #got #humor #i

Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud. ↗

— Jesse Ventura

#go #head #humor #mud #sense