#humor

A brick could be used to determine whether you are really in love or not. But you’re never going to be able to tell for sure if you try to run the experiment with the brick upside down. Keep flipping the brick over until the desired outcome is reached, and then you’ll know for certain the test is valid.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#high-school #humor #funny

And pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked. ↗

— Jane Austen

#commentary #humor #snark #humor

Claire was struggling through last summer’s diary volume when Myrnin popped in through the portal, wearing a big floppy black hat and a kind of crazy/stylish pimp coat that covered him from neck to ankles, black leather gloves, and a black and silver walking stick with a dragon’s head on it. And, on his lapel was a button that said, If you can read this, thank a teacher. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#myrnin #humor

Closed. Plenty of time to see it later, remember?" He leads me into the courtyard, and I take the opportunity to admire his backside. Callipygian. There is something better than Notre-Dame. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#romance #humor

Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#tv #humor

I wanted desperately to get all hot and sweaty with this guy, but I knew from experience that hormones affected my sensibilities like alcohol or pot. In the throes of passion I tend to vow my eternal love to a penis I might use and abuse, with little regard for the man connected to it. I'm trying to keep that habit. ↗

— Susan Volland

#humor #love #lust #males #passion

Toys have taken over my family room. I watch Mary Poppins, and no matter how many spoonfuls of sugar I eat, action figures won’t march into a bin with the snap of my fingers. ↗

— Barbara Brooke

#humor #motherhood #toys #family

Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations. ↗

— Jessica Park

#thought-provoking #true-to-life #humor

Just relax and breathe through your ass. ↗

— Lewis Black

#funny #humor #noremorse #faith