#humor

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#gaiman #god #humor #humor

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. ↗

— Herman Wouk

#humor #humor

That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery. ↗

— Stephen King

#humor #humor

As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #optimism #solace #humor

I don't mean to be rude—" he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable. "Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#rude #humor

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly. ↗

— Mother Teresa

#inspirational #humor

Mistletoe," said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it. "Good thinking," said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #humor

I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.) ↗

— John Green

#diagnosis #humor #john-green #humor

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #men #women #humor

Aren’t they supposed to be hiring someone else to train me full-time anyway?” “Yes,” he said, getting up and pulling her to her feet along with him,“ and I’m worried that if you get into the habit of making out with your instructors, you’ll wind up making out with him, too.” “ Don’t be sexist. They could find me a female instructor.” “In that case you have my permission to make out with her, as long as I can watch. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #humor #jace-lightwood #humor