#humor

Rachel: You're a half-blood, too? Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about? Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#half-blood #humor #rachel-elizabeth-dare #humor

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm! ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#optimist #humor

I guess it’s true what they say," observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches." "That’s atheists, jackass," said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace #mortal-instruments #simon #humor

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

And next time you're planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-and-jace #humor #jace #jace-and-clary #love

Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand? ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#faery #humor #julie-kagawa #meghan #prince

I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#life #wisdom #humor

It’s fascinating. You know all these words, and they’re all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don’t make any sense. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace-lightwood #sarcasm #humor

To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition. ↗

— Woody Allen

#atheism #humor #humor

Trains are great dirty smoky things," said Will. "You won't like it." Tessa was unmoved. "I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?" "I've never swum naked in the Thames before, but I know I wouldn't like it." "But think how entertaining for sightseers," said Tessa, and she saw Jem duck his head to hide the quick flash of his grin. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jem-carstairs #teasing #tessa-gray #will-herondale