#humor

I'm still trying to figure out the secret relationship between the woman and the mall! ↗

— Ibrahim Taha

#ibrahim-taha #puzzled #quotes #saying #shopping

No matter how grouchy you're feeling, you'll find the smile more or less healing. It grows in a wreath all around the teeth thus preserving the face from congealing. ↗

— Anthony Euwer

#smiling #humor

My mouth fell open. I wasn‘t used to receiving practical advice from Giguhl. But the weird thing? He was totally right. ―When‘d you become so insightful? He smiled wickedly. ―Lady, I piss insight. ↗

— Jaye Wells

#humor

I live in Florida, and when people ask how close to the beach I am, I say, “Twelve minutes or twelve hours. Depends on which beach you want to go to. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#florida #humor #humor

But had I accepted the pickle juice, I would be drinking pickle juice right now. ↗

— Nicki Minaj

#inspirational #music #nickiminaj #humor

Wie es scheint, schmilzt die Frühlingssonne den harten Eispanzer des Barbarenhäuptlings, und, o Wunder, darunter kommt ein Philisoph zum Vorschein." "Ich weiß nicht was Vielosoof für eine Beleidigung ist, aber du kannst dir sicher sein, dass der Barbarenhäuptling dir gleich die Axt in den Rachen schiebt!" Ollowain schlang die Arme übereinander und tat, als zittere er. "So plötzlich kehrt der Winter zurück und lässt die schönsten Frühlingsblüten erfrieren." "Hast du mich gerade etwa mit Blüten verglichen?", grollte Mandred. "Nur eine Allegorie, mein Freund." Der Menschensohn runzelte die Stirn. Dann nickte er. "Ich nehme deine Entschuldigung an, Ollowain." Nuramon musste sich auf die Unterlippe beißen, um nicht laut loszulachen. ↗

— Bernhard Hennen

#hennen #humor #mandred #nuramon #ollowain

I didn't want to die - not before I'd finished reading The Return of the Native anyhow. ↗

— Siegfried Sassoon

#reading #war #humor

I blew that clay pigeon to smithereens. I don't know why Mum got so upset. According to Uncle Andrew she's a crack shot herself. But she says I'm too young. What I'd like to know is how old does a person have to be before they get to do all the fun stuff? ↗

— R.L. LaFevers

#humor #supernatural #humor

I'd much rather have a brain of my own than be popular. ↗

— Dori Hillestad Butler

#humor

Television's perfect. You turn a few knobs, a few of those mechanical adjustments at which the higher apes are so proficient, and lean back and drain your mind of all thought. And there you are watching the bubbles in the primeval ooze. You don't have to concentrate. You don't have to react. You don't have to remember. You don't miss your brain because you don't need it. Your heart and liver and lungs continue to function normally. Apart from that, all is peace and quiet. You are in the man's nirvana. And if some poor nasty minded person comes along and says you look like a fly on a can of garbage, pay him no mind. He probably hasn't got the price of a television set. ↗

— Raymond Chandler

#chandler #humor #ooze #philosophy #raymond-chandler