#humor

As an adult, I've met an ocean of divorced people. I might even know more divorced people than married people, because I live in godless Los Angeles, where if you're engaged it simply means you're publicly announcing that you are dating a person monogamishly. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#dating

Yemen produces coffee, Egypt cotton, Iraq dates, Palestine oranges, and Syria trouble. ↗

— John Gunther

#middle-east #syria #dating

...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of you still wants to make a good impression. On a side note, they seemed in perfect health. ↗

— Mike Birbiglia

#dating #humor #dating

Really, The smart thing to do was to stop dating and get a cat. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#dating

If a girl doesn't feel like crying for help when she's with her date, she isn't prepared to be in a relationship. The only difference is that on a date someone might come to her rescue. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #relationships #dating

Sugar Lips, you have a guest in the fourth dimension. I repeat, you have a guest in the fourth dimension. This is Tijuana Daddy, over and out. ~Julian ↗

— Jenny B. Jones

#humor #walkie-talkie #dating

I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear ↗

— Josh Stern

#cologne #dogs #fear #humor #dating

I'm a straightforward guy. I give straight answers to unsolved mysteries, I wait to date hermaphrodites until after they get a sex change, and I never eat funnel cakes before untwisting them. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #sincerity #change

isn't telling a girl you just loooooove eating horsemeat one step away from saying you haven't lived 'til you've eaten puppy skewers? ↗

— Rachel Dratch

#dating

He had to say that the thing he found most attractive about her was that she had tried to kill herself. Now that was interesting-- sexy, almost, in a morbid kind of way. ↗

— Nick Hornby

#dating