#humor

Sometimes the only way to deal with horrific things in life is through a dark sense of humor. ↗

— Margaret Cho

#deal #horrific #humor #life #only

When I was young, some women told me they loved me for my long eyelashes. I accepted. Later it was for my wit. Then for my power and money. Then for my talent. Then for my mind-deep. OK, I can handle all of it. The only woman who scares me is the one who loves me for myself alone. I have plans for her. I have poisons and daggers and dark graves in caves to hide her head. She can't be allowed to live. Especially if she's sexually faithful and never lies and always puts me ahead of everything and everyone. ↗

— Mario Puzo

#women #faith

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it. ↗

— Will Durst

#debris #disaster #find #history #humor

I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Democracy was supposed to champion freedom of speech, and yet the simple rules of table decorum could clamp down on the rights their forefathers had fought and died for. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#democracy #ettiquette #freedom #freedom-of-speech #funny

Anything else you want to know? Dental records, fingerprints? Retinal scan?" "Urine sample would work." She rolled her eyes. "What cup you want me to use?" He was intrigued by her comebacks and the fact that she didn't appear angry over his questioning and word choice. "Does anything faze you?" "I fight people for a living. Do you honestly think peeing in a cup is going to frighten me?" She had a point… providing she wasn't lying about her occupation. Without a word, Aidan pulled a glass out of his cabinet and handed it to her. Her jaw dropped. "You've got to be kidding me? You really want a urine sample?" He actually smiled at her question. "Not hardly, but I thought you might be thirsty. The drinks are in the fridge." For once he saw relief in her gaze before she went and poured herself a glass of milk. "Thanks for showing some mercy." "Yeah," he said bitterly. "Just remember to return the favor." "Is that supposed to mean something?" He shrugged. "Just in my experience, all people do is take. None of them give a damn about helping someone else." "And sometimes people can surprise you." "Yeah. You're right. I'm constantly amazed by the unprovoked treachery they're capable of." She shook her head. "Wow, you arejaded.(Leta & Aidan) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#life #dreams

I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes. ↗

— Sherilyn Fenn

#based #because #circumstance #coming #could

Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a lesbian onstage is still a very political act; if it weren't, more women would do it. ↗

— Kate Clinton

#anything #coming #humor #lesbian #more

Don't know about my knives, but my gun's made of pain. ↗

— Devon Monk

#badassery #humor #age

I had a dream about you. Are you surprised? You shouldn’t be. After all, it’s only fair I finally have a dream about you when you’ve been dreaming about me all these years. Oh please, don’t deny it. You couldn’t want my body more if I were a mannequin and you were a tailor making custom suits.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships