#humor

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. ↗

— A. Whitney Brown

#grace #humor #laughing #saving #saving grace

I love poking fun at myself. I have a rather mean sense of humor. ↗

— Alton Brown

#humor #i #i love #love #mean

Take notes my love,” Trik pointed at Syndra’s retreating form. “That is why she is Queen." Cassie nodded. “Got it. Note to self: Successful Queen equals bitch.” “I heard that,” Syndra yelled. Cassie gave Trik a high five. “You’re well on your way, beautiful,” he told her with a wink. ↗

— Quinn Loftis

#beauty

Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#americans #attic #awesome #export #funny

Ritual he liked, but compulsory routine he hated. Thus, he resented every minute that he now had to surrender to showering, shampooing, shaving, and flossing and brushing his teeth. If mere men could devise self-defrosting refrigerators and self-cleaning ovens, why couldn't nature, in all its complex, inventive magnificence, have managed to come up with self-cleaning teeth? "There's birth," he grumbled, "there's death, and in between there's maintenance. ↗

— Tom Robbins

#life #tom-robbins #death

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humor section. ↗

— John Callahan

#feminist #humor #section

David Attenborough has said that Bali is the most beautiful place in the world, but he must have been there longer than we were, and seen different bits, because most of what we saw in the couple of days we were there sorting out our travel arrangements was awful. It was just the tourist area, i.e., that part of Bali which has been made almost exactly the same as everywhere else in the world for the sake of people who have come all this way to see Bali. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#tourism #tourists #travel #beauty

Rachel delivered it like an official pronouncement. Like she was one of the fairies gifting Sleeping Beauty's christening: Beauty. Intelligence. Heterosexual. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#beauty

I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gasps #humor #jealous #shark-s-teeth

O.K., then, all right, they would adopt a white-trash dog. Ha ha. They could name it Zeke, buy it a little corncob pipe and a straw hat. She imagined the puppy, having crapped on the rug, looking up at her, going, Cain’t hep it. But no. Had she come from a perfect place? Everything was transmutable. She imagined the puppy grown up, entertaining some friends, speaking to them in a British accent: My family of origin was, um, rather not, shall we say, of the most respectable... Ha ha, wow, the mind was amazing, always cranking out these— ↗

— George Saunders

#humor #puppy #family