#humor

I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor #mouth #humor

So Elizabeth, dare we take the dance floor again in hopes of repeating that splendid performance given by Lydia? ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#humor #humor

Well I beat things around with my stick once in awhile. ↗

— Kira

#humor #humor

Alessa looked at Brennus giving him a smirk. “Brennus.” “Alessa.” “Still think that you are the God’s gift to all faeries?” “Still trying to convince yourself that I am not?” Brennus responded smirking arrogantly and leaning back in his chair. ↗

— B.C. Morin

#sarcasm #humor

Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the fool no where but in's own house. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#insult #humor

I sometimes wonder if my last words on this earth will be something like, 'Oh, I knew this wouldn't work. ↗

— Quinn Cummings

#quinn-cummings #humor

Glasses are for people that sips instead of drinks. ↗

— Kai Starr

#drinking #humor #humor

Die human, DIE!! Die nasty polluting person!!!!' yelled Grover. I turned him so he faced me. He kept on clicking his plastic gun towards me as if I was part of the game. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

If anyone wanted ter find out some stuff, all they’d have ter do would be ter follow the spiders. That’d lead ‘em right! That’s all I’m sayin’. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humorous-quotations #spiders #humor

I have to tell you, Arty, a screw up this early in the proceedings doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence. I hope you’re as clever as you keep telling everyone you are.” “I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared... ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#fantasy #humor #humor