#humor

The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone." Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way. ↗

— James Finn Garner

#funny #humor #little-red-riding-hood #politics #sexist

I feel ill," [Howl] announced. "I'm going to bed, where I may die. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#fiction #humor #young-adult #humor

Any idiot can put up a website. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #internet #humor

Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I'm the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!! Rukia: Wha--wha'd you say? A rescuer isn't supposed to ignore the rescuee! Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why don't you go sit in a corner and tremble in fear and cry out "Save me! Save me!" like you're supposed to?! Rukia: I do not need saving, and I do NOT tremble! ↗

— Tite Kubo

#bleach #humor #ichiruki #humor

I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?... Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television? ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

George Bush isn't Hitler. He could be if he applied himself. ↗

— Margaret Cho

#humor #humor

Fall off your own roof. ↗

— Veronica Rossi

#perry #roar #humor

What's with what you're wearing?" Griggs asks while we stand outside waiting for the others. "It's pretty hideous, isn't it?" I say. "Don't force me to look at it," he says. "It's see-through." That kills conversation for a couple of seconds. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#humor

I guess the sacrifice of my dignity is the only thing that will save us now. The things I endure for love. The Fates laugh at my torment. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#love #humor

And Flock Rule Number Two is, Don't argue with Max or you'll live to regret it." I spun and stomped out to the clearing, turning back for one last jab at Dylan. "And by the way, you clearly DON'T know me better than Fang does. Do you see Fang arguing with me? No, you do not." Fang rolled his eyes. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #james-patterson #maximum-ride #humor