#humor

If a dog doesn't put you first where are you both? In what relation? A dog needs God. It lives by your glances, your wishes. It even shares your humor. This happens about the fifth year. If it doesn't happen you are only keeping an animal. ↗

— Enid Bagnold

#animal #both #dog #even #fifth

Newspaper people, once celebrated as founts of ribald humor and uncouth fun, have of late lost all their gaiety, and small wonder. ↗

— Russell Baker

#fun #gaiety #humor #late #lost

I'm not a traditional politician, and I have a sense of humor. I'll try to soften it and become boring, maybe even very boring, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to. ↗

— Silvio Berlusconi

#become #boring #even #humor #i

I was lucky to live in the 20th century, when gefilte fish could be purchased in a jar. ↗

— Barbara "Cutie" Cooper

#food #grandmothers #humor #jewish #food

Total absence of humor renders life impossible. ↗

— Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

#humor #impossible #life #renders #total

Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. ↗

— Dr. Seuss

#humor #humor

Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#humor #food

Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, "Some Americans say it tastes like chicken. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#food

I work in a hotel. I know what you’re probably thinking, and no, I am not a hooker. Not unless you’re not a cop.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #hooker #hospitality #hospitality-industry #hotel

Now we're going to save a bunch of dirty meatsacks from a bunch of dirty cannibals? Why don't we rescue some orphaned kittens and put food out for stray puppies while we're at it? ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#jackal #food