#humor

Hello, my name is ees Lebkuchen Spice, and I vant to show you my coooooookies…. ↗

— David Levithan

#humor #humor

Did you know that ninety-eight percent of statistics are made up on the spot? ↗

— Kim Harrington

#humor

Smitty leaned forward, resting his arms on this raised knees. "I am fixin' to get mad, Jessie. "You're fixin' to get mad?" "Yeah." "Why don't you just get mad?" "I'm not there yet. But I will be if you don't start talking to me." Smitty to Jessie Ann ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humor

Nothing is safe from you. If I were to court a girl who lived on an iceberg in the middle of the ocean, sooner or later— probably sooner— I’d look up to see you swooping overhead on a broomstick. In fact, by now I’d be disappointed in you if I didn’t see you.” “Are you off to the iceberg today?” Sophie retorted. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humor #humor

You don't like me, but you love me; either way, you're wrong. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #love #lyrics #music #humor

You're such an optimist Kane -- that's your problem. You only end up disappointed. ↗

— Paul Grist

#humor #humor

Clay, if anyone followed anyone, it was me tagging along after you. I didn’t dare order you around.” “Load of shit,” he muttered, but she thought she heard a softening in his tone. “You fucking made me attend tea parties.” She remembered his threat before the first one: “Tell anyone and I’ll eat you and use your bones as toothpicks.” ~ Talin and Clay dialogue ↗

— Nalini Singh

#nalini-singh #humor

...God created the world in six days. On the seventh day, he rested. On the eighth day, he started getting complaints. And it hasn't stopped since. ↗

— James Scott Bell

#cynicism #god #humor #humor

Will I have to use a dictionary to read your book?" asked Mrs. Dodypol. "It depends," says I, "how much you used the dictionary before you read it. ↗

— Alexander Theroux

#humor #humour #literature #reading #vocabulary

Sanity? Sorry, I don't ever remember having something like that before. ↗

— Tite Kubo

#humor