#humor

Smee! Raise the Ladies! ↗

— Dave Barry

#nonsense #humor

I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor

Randalf the Wise indeed!I've worn wiser pairs of underpants! ↗

— Paul Stewart

#humor

Never take a wife till thou hast a house(and a fire) to put her in. ↗

— Benjamin Franklin

#humor

You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog. ↗

— Garrison Keillor

#humor

Not being able to see truth and lies is like being on an empty stage in front of millions of people and not being able to discern which prop is the knife, the one that clearly says ‘Prop Knife’ on the handle or a ripe banana. For so long I have wished I never enrolled in such a mind-boggling play in the first place. All I wanted was a little fame, and I got a lot of embarrassment. ↗

— Garrett Davis

#humor

The way I’d put it,” said Makin, “is that Rike can’t make an omelet without wading thigh deep in the blood of chickens and wearing their entrails as a necklace. ↗

— Mark Lawrence

#humor #violence #humor

Tutti gli animali sono uguali, ma alcuni sono più uguali degli altri ↗

— George Orwell

#politics #humor

If you want to please me very much, you will fall down when I shoot you," -Oates The White Darkness ↗

— Geraldine McCaughrean

#humor

You have taught us much. Come with us and join the movement." "This movement of yours, does it have slogans?" inquired the Chink. "Right on!" they cried. And they quoted him some. "Your movement, does it have a flag?" asked the Chink. "You bet!" and they described their emblem. "And does your movement have leaders?" "Great leaders." "Then shove it up your butts," said the Chink. "I have taught you nothing. ↗

— Tom Robbins

#humor