#humor

The wicked at heart probably know something. ↗

— Woody Allen

#humor

There is something called the rapture of the deep, and it refers to what happens when a deep-sea diver spends too much time at the bottom of the ocean and can't tell which way is up. When he surfaces, he's liable to have a condition called the bends, where the body can't adapt to the oxygen levels in the atmosphere. All of this happens to me when I surface from a great book. ↗

— Nora Ephron

#reading-books #humor

I am a woman, hear me roar," I said. Gosh, what prompted that?" Amelia asked, and I jumped ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor

At some point, our lips met and it was perhaps the most wonderful thing I'd ever experienced. And truly, I guess there wasn't just one kiss, but several. A polite frenzy. A mass migration of delicate wildebeest kisses. I remember them as one transcendent event, though. ↗

— Dean Hale

#romance #humor

Maryse sighed."Nothing conclusive.If only the dead could talk,eh,Lucian? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

the book I was reading turned out to be crack ↗

— Elizabeth Norris

#reading-books #humor

The hand on my hair moved to my back, and I realized someone was singing softly. The voice was familiar, and something about it made my chest ache. Well, that was to be expected. Angels' songs would be awfully poignant. "'I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when I met you...'" the voice crooned. I frowned. Was that really an appropriate song for the Heavenly Host to be-- ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#cocktail-bar #grace #hex-hall #humor #mom

You have no idea how crazy I am, I should be wearing yellow Caution tape, I'm that bonkers. ↗

— Robin Benway

#humor #humor

I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#cocktails #drinks #humor #sex #humor

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor