#humor

I love poking fun at myself. I have a rather mean sense of humor. ↗

— Alton Brown

#humor #i #i love #love #mean

Un homme de cinquante ans ne tient pas longtemps rancune à une femme de vingt-trois. ↗

— Alexandre Dumas

#male-female-relationships #relationship

The lot of the bride to be wed before bed desired until rotten. The lot of the author to be read before bed admired then forgotten. ↗

— Roman Payne

#authors #brides #desire #funny #humor

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humor section. ↗

— John Callahan

#feminist #humor #section

In grammar school he’d had an old priest as his religion teacher. “Truth is light,” the priest had said one day. Montalbano, never very studious, had been a mischievous pupil, always sitting in the last row. “So that must mean that if everyone in the family tells the truth, they save on the electric bill. ↗

— Andrea Camilleri

#family

I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gasps #humor #jealous #shark-s-teeth

O.K., then, all right, they would adopt a white-trash dog. Ha ha. They could name it Zeke, buy it a little corncob pipe and a straw hat. She imagined the puppy, having crapped on the rug, looking up at her, going, Cain’t hep it. But no. Had she come from a perfect place? Everything was transmutable. She imagined the puppy grown up, entertaining some friends, speaking to them in a British accent: My family of origin was, um, rather not, shall we say, of the most respectable... Ha ha, wow, the mind was amazing, always cranking out these— ↗

— George Saunders

#humor #puppy #family

A man of sense only trifles with them, plays with them, humors and flatters them, as he does with a sprightly and forward child; but he neither consults them about, nor trusts them with, serious matters. ↗

— Lord Chesterfield

#child #consults #does #flatters #forward

Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness is its poison. ↗

— Lord Chesterfield

#health #humor #poison #sadness #soul

Can you be a girl for a few seconds?" "I'm always a girl" I frown. "You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl" I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#divergent #funny #humor #tris #veronica-roth