#humor

He started every entry with I got up. It meant, I hate this school. When he wrote I do not like porridge, that was actually true, but porridge was his code-word for Simon Silverson. Simon was porridge at breakfast, potatoes at lunch, and bread at tea. All the other other he hated had code-words too. Dan Smith was cornflakes, cabbage, and butter. Theresa was milk. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humor

I do not think you are in any danger of starving," Maximus said. "The surgeon said only two weeks ago that you are too fat." "The devil!" Berkley said indignantly, sitting up; and Maximus snorted in amusement at having provoked him. ↗

— Naomi Novik

#dragon #fat #humor #humor

I guess maybe you don’t get to be the Merlin of the White Council by saving up frequent-flier miles ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Does anyone here speak English? Or even Ancient Greek? — A very lost Marcus Brody ↗

— Rob MacGregor

#movies #humor

The THE TABLOIDS are always going to be a war for POPULARITY in the CELEB world. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor

You'd tell the world what your best friend wore to sleep if you thought it made a good enough story. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #story #humor

I didn't want to do it,' Kiala said. 'The universe just kind of conspired to force me to make a fool of myself. It does that quite a lot, actually. ↗

— Graham Parke

#philosophy #weird #humor

I'm so ready you could drive a truck straight up my ass and I would bend over and push back until it was in to the rear bumper. ↗

— Cameron Dane

#sex #humor

On the ground, Cash gave a signal, and all the guys lined up by the pool. In unison, they stripped off their shirts and tossed them onto the grass. An audible sigh- like the ones you hear on a sitcom that is "filmed in front of a live studio audience"- filled the room. It was almost funny, really. Such a strong reaction to a bunch of shirtless boys. ↗

— Kody Keplinger

#funny

Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.' I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#dirty #funny #hathaway #humor #ivashkov