#humor

If this was what Mikhail called opening the gate close to Zayvion’s body, I was going to kill a compass and a slide rule and send them through the gates of death to him. ↗

— Devon Monk

#death

She'd met Colin on a Monday. She'd kissed him on a Friday. Twelve years later. She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #sarcasm #funny

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #idealism #funny

She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he's not... you know, better." "Define BETTER with that guy." "Not all fangs and raaaaar. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass #morganville-vampires

Sam: You know what I wish? Cassel: What? Sam: That someone would covert my bed into a robot that would fight other bed robots to the death for me. ↗

— Holly Black

#death

It is clear that men accept an immediate pain rather than an immediate pleasure, but only because they expect a greater pleasure in the future. Often the pleasure is illusory, but their error in calculation is no refutation of the rule. You are puzzled because you cannot get over the idea that pleasures are only of the sense; but, child, a man who dies for his country dies because he likes it as surely as a man eats pickled cabbage because he likes it. ↗

— W. Somerset Maugham

#humor #life #pleasure #death

The guys in my band are great-we watch movies, we eat pizza, take walks, read books. Everybody has a really great sense of humor. And my boyfriend comes and visits me on the road. ↗

— Lisa Loeb

#books #boyfriend #comes #eat #everybody

I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #manners #funny

I don't understand how somebody wouldn't have a sense of humor about themselves. ↗

— John Malkovich

#how #humor #i #sense #sense of humor

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#alimony #buying #dead #dead horse #hay