#humor

My rapier wit hides my inner pain. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #the-mortal-instruments #tmi #humor

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #insanity #life #sanity #humor

I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person, but it does mean I've read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#experience

He knew from experience that true and obvious ideas, such as the ineffable wisdom and judgment of the Great God Om, seemed so obscure to many people that you actually had to kill them before they saw the error of their ways... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#crusades #humor #missionaries #religion #experience

To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader."- Capt. Bligh(ret.) ↗

— Robert Lynn Asprin

#leadership #faith

Dear lord, the flash of his gleaming white teeth was like a hot button to my nether regions. Down vagina! Down, girl.” Bad Rep by A. Meredith Walters ↗

— A. Meredith Walters

#funny

I keep my feet candy-coated because I never know when one or both of them will wind up in my mouth. ↗

— Linda Yezak

#humor

Pathetic, huh?” He learned that word from me. “Yeah. It’s like the opposite of a fish, right? ↗

— Hannah Moskowitz

#humor

Here are the Top Ten things that your parents say to you: -Is that all you're going to do all day, sit in front of the computer? -When I was your age I had two jobs. -Why don't you wear some clothes that fir for a change? -Turn it down. I can hear it all the way over here. -You're not eating that for dinner. -Did you do your homework? -Stop mumbling and speak up. -Now what did you do? -Because I said so. -No. ↗

— Charles Benoit

#truth #age

Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith. ↗

— Leslie Nielsen

#funny #humor #locksmith #funny