#humor

The short conversation that follows eventually led to a tree religion. Its tenet of faith was this: a tree that was a good tree and led a clean decent and upstanding life could be assured of a future life after death. If it was very good indeed it would eventually be reincarnated as five thousand rolls of lavatory paper. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#death

I don't think," he said, "that a vicar is supposed to beat a bishop to death, or even back to death." Mr. Berkeley looked down upon the remains of Bishop Bernard. "If anyone asks, we'll say he fell over," he said. "Lots of times. ↗

— John Connolly

#death

To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems ↗

— Matt Groening

#drinking #homer #humor #humor

You cannot be buried in obscurity: you are exposed upon a grand theater to the view of the world. If your actions are upright and benevolent, be assured they will augment your power and happiness. ↗

— Cyrus the Great

#happiness #humor #life #love #philosophy

I can't even make up a rhyme about an umbrella, let alone death and life and eternal peace. ↗

— Knut Hamsun

#poetry #death

If I am ever put to death on the hook, expect a very human performance. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor #death

But Hazael only said, "I brought you a present." Liraz took the flower, looked at it, and then a Hazael, expressionless. And then she ate it. She chewed the flower and swallowed it. "Hmm," said Hazael. "Not the usual response." "Oh, do you give flowers often?" "Yes," he said. He probably did. Hazael had a way of enjoying life in spite of the many restrictions they lived under, being soldiers, and worse, being Misbegotten. "I hope it wasn't poisonous," he said lightly. Liraz just shrugged. "There are worse ways to die. ↗

— Laini Taylor

#death #flower #hazael #humor #laini-taylor

Now this might disturb you, but I find I'm OK by myself; and I don't need you or your benevolence to make sense. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #lyrics #music #humor

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. "Right. It's just that… He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here. ↗

— Kristina McBride

#funny #grief #humor #humour #death

There, just beyond his open palm, was our mother’s face. I wasn’t expecting it. We hadn’t requested a viewing, and the memorial service was closed-coffin. We got it anyway. They’d shampooed and waved her hair and made up her face. They’d done a great job, but I felt taken, as if we’d asked for the basic carwash and they’d gone ahead and detailed her. Hey, I wanted to say, we didn’t order this. But of course I said nothing. Death makes us helplessly polite. ↗

— Mary Roach

#science #death