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#humor

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humor




Of all the things God created, from sunrises and rainbows, to black holes and humor, cats are the most fascinating to me.
 ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#humor

People are here because they've got baggage. I'm talking curbside-check-in, pay-the-fine-'cause-it's-over-fifty-pounds kind of baggage. Get it? ↗


— Lauren Kate


#humor #humor

Today he wore a burnt-orange shirt, black pants, and a tie that looked like a street fight at the south end of the color wheel. ↗


— Kathy Reichs


#humor

Jenny can still suck a golf ball through a garden hose and she guns my cock like a champ since she misplaced her false teeth! ↗


— Tara Sivec


#humor

Love is like the human appendix. You take it for granted while it's there, but when it's suddenly gone you're forced to endure horrible pain that can only be alleviated through drugs. ↗


— Reverend Jen


#drugs #humor #love #simile #humor

Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember? ↗


— Molly Harper


#funny #humor #sarcasm #vampires #funny

Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different. In fact, I might even go too far in the opposite direction. My sign would say something like, "Smoke if you wish. But if you do, be prepared for the following series of events: First, we will confiscate your cigarette and extinguish it somewhere on the surface of your skin. We will then run you nicotine-stained fingers through a paper shredder and throw them into the street, where wild dogs will swallow them and then regurgitate them into the sewers, so that infected rats can further soil them before they're flushed out to sea with the rest of the city's filth. After such time, we will sysematically seek out your friends and loved one and destroy their lives." Wouldn't you like to see a sign like that? ↗


— George Carlin


#humor #smoking #funny

And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic. ↗


— Augusten Burroughs


#drinking #humor #humor

Get back on the bike and tell me where to go." "I'll tell you where to go," I muttered sourly, and he laughed. ↗


— Karen Marie Moning


#humor

It's a dirty way to fight, but I'm late for lunch." - Valek to Yelena ↗


— Maria V. Snyder


#fantasy #fight #humor #valek #yelena






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