#humor

Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?" "What?" He looks mortally offended. "Do I LOOK like the kind of guy who's never had a girlfriend? Have you even MET me? ↗

— Tahereh Mafi

#kenji #humor

No one believes a liar. Even when she's telling the truth. ↗

— Sara Shepard

#liar #lying #truth #humor

Oh... Adrian, I've got one more favor to ask you. A big one." "Fondue?" he asked hopefully. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#favors #humor #sydney-sage #humor

Man...heats up like a lightbulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand...heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her. ↗

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

#love #men #sex #women #humor

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. ↗

— Ray Romano

#humor #parenting #humor

I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#grandmother #humor #silly #table-dancing #funny

Men are all the same, they think that because they came out of the belly of a woman they know all there is to know about women. ↗

— José Saramago

#humor

I can't abide people who go soft over animals and then cheat every human they come across! ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#cheat #humor #people #humor

Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it." "Evvy and I have an understanding." She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. "She tells me the truth, and I don't hang her in the first well we come to. It's a solution that works tolerably well for both of us. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humor

Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first? — Riley Poole ↗

— Ann Lloyd

#humor