#humor

What's so funny?" Bella mumbled. "I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again. "I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed. "S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear." Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#food

I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#best #funny #humor #relationships #wonder

I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet." At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?" "I just know. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny

Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #nose-job #one-liner #funny

No, I can't die because there are too many jackasses falling over themselves to take my place! I may live forever just to spite them! ↗

— Jamie McGuire

#humor #romantic #beauty

The secret to humor is surprise. ↗

— Aristotle

#secret #surprise

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes. ↗

— George Carlin

#logic #religion #science #experience

So, sweeting, why were you threatening to throw Tate out of the house? What did he say?” Leather brushed her chin as he tipped it up. Serious dark eyes met hers. “What did he say?” She glanced around; surely the footmen were too far away to hear. “He wanted to join us in our bed.” “I’ll run him through.” “No! Perhaps he only said it to goad you into a duel. Perhaps it was intended as a way to kill you.” “It was an insult to you, love. That can’t be ignored.” “And so you rush inexorably toward death. I don’t care if he stands on a Drury Lane stage and calls me a courtesan, I won’t have you risking your life. ↗

— Sharon Page

#humor #insult #death

Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time. ↗

— Lynda Barry

#fool #helping #how #humor #realize

While I would agree that I write about serious subjects, and that they're not necessarily the most pleasant subjects or even the most pleasant people, as a writer I just think about the humorous aspects of these things - that's what keeps me going when I'm writing a story. ↗

— Ann Beattie

#agree #aspects #even #going #humorous