#humor

Some folks say that you can’t get rid of a problem until you shuck it. So, brother, let’s start shucking. ↗

— Richard Puz

#humor #inspiration #love-hurts #inspirational

We laugh, that we may not cry. ↗

— Roger Ebert

#happiness #humor #inspiration #joy #laughter

I couldn't claim that I was smarter than sixty-five other guys--but the average of sixty-five other guys, certainly! ↗

— Richard P. Feynman

#humor #intelligence #mathematics #statistics #education

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#hobbes #humor #intelligence #humor

Futures can and do change, something as simple as you're supposed to turn right down a street one day... In your bones u know it, and yet for reasons no one understands, you decide to debunk fate and go left. Now instead of meeting your spouse of your dreams and having a house full of kids, you get flattened by an ice-cream truck and spend the next 5 years in physical therapy recovering from the injuries; or worse you die from it. And all cause you exercised free will and turned the opposite way on a whim. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#make-you-think #thought-provoking #change

Well, the first reaction was, What smoke? When I looked and saw it, and we all ran to the back where we were far away from the flames-cowards as we are, you know-all sat around the emergency door and even tested the emergency door, ready to jump out. Of course, I said, Beatles and children first. ↗

— Larry Kane

#humor #change

Bones has always been smart," I muttered. "His intelligence was just camouflaged under a mountain of p**sy." Cat ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humor #humor

Perhaps the most irrational fashion act of all was the male habit for 150 years of wearing wigs. Samuel Pepys, as with so many things, was in the vanguard, noting with some apprehension the purchase of a wig in 1663 when wigs were not yet common. It was such a novelty that he feared people would laugh at him in church; he was greatly relieved, and a little proud, to find that they did not. He also worried, not unreasonably, that the hair of wigs might come from plague victims. Perhaps nothing says more about the power of fashion than that Pepys continued wearing wigs even while wondering if they might kill him. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#humor #wigs #home

I mean to say, I know perfectly well that I've got, roughly speaking, half the amount of brain a normal bloke ought to possess. And when a girl comes along who has about twice the regular allowance, she too often makes a bee line for me with the love light in her eyes. I don't know how to account for it, but it is so." "It may be Nature's provision for maintaining the balance of the species, sir. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#brains #evolution #humor #intelligence #love

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#deceit #deception #denial #deny #funny