#humorous

Life is too short to be treated shabbily. ↗

— C.S. Reid

#life

Your ma's dating?" Tim looks shocked. "I thought she pretty much confined herself to a vibrator and the shower nozzle since your dad screwed her over. ↗

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

#dating

yes, i have dated Salvador Dali guy when i was a high school girl. he was a great lover. but i had to dump him because he stole my inspiration of bent clock*~* .... who cares... ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#artwork #bent-clock #funny #humorous #painting

May we do it again? She sounds remarkably bright and cheerful. 'And I didn't bleed. My mother said I would experience great agony.' 'Half an hour.' 'I beg your pardon? Your mumbling.' Eyes closed, I attempt to enunciate a little more clearly. 'In half an hour or so. Probably. And your mother was misinformed.' 'What am I suppose to do in the meantime?' 'Oh. Read a Sermon. Embroider something ↗

— Janet Mullany

#experience

I am Midnight (cats stare dumbfounded) ↗

— Erin Hunter

#humor

You stick a bunch of drunken murderers together, ain't long before some turn to thieving, then to lying, then to bad language, and pretty soon to sobriety, raising families and making an honest living. ↗

— Joe Abercrombie

#satire #slippery-slope #family

This sucks the hind teat. ↗

— Patricia Grasso

#family

As soon as a friendship passed a certain point - some obscure and secret boundary - a woman quite automatically became overwhelmed by a raging compulsion to complicate things. ↗

— David Eddings

#women #friendship

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though. ↗

— Robert DeCoteau

#celebrity #funny #humor #humorous #quotes

Webster said, ''Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do. ↗

— Peter Matthiessen

#humorous #funny