#humorous

Aw, come on, admit it—you feel like Cinderella, don’t you?” “No, Darren, I don’t. And do you know why?” “No, sugar, you tell me why.” “Because I’m a man. I’ve got a big fat one and I like to fuck other guys.” Darren was laughing over the phone now, and it made Reece grin. “And Ben isn’t a prince, he’s a cop. A big, sexy cop who fucks like a machine. He’s a man. I’m a man. We’re men.” He nodded sharply. “Now fuck off. I’m arranging flowers. ↗

— L.A. Gilbert

#humor

Who’d have thought your screwball brother could have gone so serial-killer fucktwat insane? ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor

You learn to smile even in you liver?' 'Even in my lire, Ketut. Big smile in my liver. ↗

— Elizabeth Gilbert

#humor

Yep, ouch. He and apologies didn’t get along. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor

Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid. ↗

— Nicole Christie

#humorous #humor

It’s mind-blowing and delicious and better than finding a pot of gold, a unicorn, and a leprechaun who shits diamonds at the end of a rainbow. ↗

— Tara Sivec

#humor

Everyone was going crazy, like they’d just witnessed the birth of Jesus and the invention of electricity at the same time. Jude was a rock star, their savior, and they were paying him homage. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#idol #popularity #rock-star #humor

That's all you need? Easy. I love you.Okay? Want it louder?I love you. Spell it out schould I l-o-v-e y-o-u. Want it backwards You love I. ↗

— William Goldman

#humor

As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. "That's a rocket launcher!" "Yep," Lula said. "It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#lula #stephanie #humor

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humorous #humor