#humour

It comes in pints? ↗

— Peter Jackson

#drinking #humour #inn-of-the-prancing-pony #lord-of-the-rings-movie #movie-quote

Joe Spork opens the door. The man departs. Joe turns to Polly to say something about how they’re obviously not going to Portsmouth, and finds an oyster knife balanced on his cheek, just under his eye. “Can we be very clear,” Polly Cradle murmurs, “that I am not your booby sidekick or your Bond girl? That I am an independent supervillain in my own right?” Joe swallows. “Yes, we can,” he says carefully. “There will therefore be no more ‘Say hello, Polly’?” “There will not. ↗

— Nick Harkaway

#relationships #supervillains #relationship

His relationship with illness was flirtatious; only a particularly attractive ailment could tempt him into bed. ↗

— Sam Byers

#illness #relationship

When asked why I don't believe in God I reply, quite simply, "vaginas". ↗

— Robert Clark

#humour #religion #women #religion

Fever jumped aside just in time to dodge the shower of urine, and stumbled into the path of a religious procession - celebrants in robes and pointed hats whirling and clapping and chanting the name of some old-world prophet, 'Hari, Hari! Hari Potter!' ↗

— Philip Reeve

#harry-potter #humour #religion #religion

Deux choses sont infinies : l’Univers et la bêtise humaine. Mais, en ce qui concerne l’Univers, je n’en ai pas encore acquis la certitude absolue. ↗

— Albert Einstein

#einstein #french #humour #infini #philosophie

I don't need to travel back in time to cause trouble. Seeing back through time finds me trouble enough! ↗

— A.A. Bell

#humour #science #science

I am on the divorce detox diet. I only eat younger men ↗

— Erla-Mari Diedericks

#diet

Like water leaking through a dam," said Piper. "Yeah," smiled Percy. "We've got a dam hole." "What?" Piper asked. "Nothing," he said. "Inside joke. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#smile

Not only will you sleep with me, but you will say 'please.'" I stared at him, shocked. The smile widened. "You will say 'please' before and 'thank you' after." Nervous laughter bubbled up. "You've gone insane. All that peroxide in your hair finally did your brain in, Goldilocks. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#smile