#humour

If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview. ↗

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#heaven #heaven-and-hell #hell #humor #humour

Yeah, but will it hurt?”’ I asked. “This is science, Zach,” Randy said, reassuringly, as he tilted my head back and lowered the lens to my eye. “Of course it will hurt. ↗

— John Zakour

#sci-fi #sci-fi-humour-comedy #science

A five-week sand blizzard?" said Deep Thought haughtily. "You ask this of me who have contemplated the very vectors of the atoms in the Big Bang itself? Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humour #science-fiction #science

There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were... what was the word... deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#vampires #style

I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better? ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#books #cool #culture #desire #emotion

It's supposed to be automatic, but actually you have to push this button. ↗

— John Brunner

#sociology #technology #technology

Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class - Hope your surgery went well! ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#hope

Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. ↗

— Niels Bohr

#humour #truth #wisdom #wisdom

First of all, you must never speak of anything by its name -- in that country. So, if you see a tree on a mountain, it will be better to say 'Look at the green on the high'; for that's how they talk -- in that country. And whatever you do, you must find a false reason for doing it -- in that country. If you rob a man, you must say it is to help and protect him: that's the ethics -- of that country. And everything of value has no value at all -- in that country. You must be perfectly commonplace if you want to be a genius -- in that country. And everything you like you must pretend not to like; and anything that is there you must pretend is not there -- in that country. And you must always say that you are sacrificing yourself in the cause of religion, and morality, and humanity, and liberty, and progress, when you want to cheat your neighbour -- in that country." Good heavens!" cried Iliel, 'are we going to England? ↗

— Aleister Crowley

#humor #humour #humor

After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humour #hypochondria #twitter #twitter