#humour

Mrs. Joe was a very clean housekeeper, but had an exquisite art of making her cleanliness more uncomfortable and unacceptable than dirt itself. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#art

Sir," said the guard from behind me. "I'd appreciate it if you left your club here." I paused and looked over my shoulder, He had a gun. His hand wasn't exactly resting on it, but he'd tucked his thumb into his belt about half an inch away. "It isn't a club," I said calmly. "It's a walking stick." "Six feet long." "It's traditional Ozark folk art." "With dents and nicks all over it." I thought about it for a second. "I'm insecure?" "Get a blanket. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humourous #art

Whoever thou art that, not content with a moderate condition, imaginest happiness in royal magnificence, and dreamest that command or riches can feed the appetite of novelty with perpetual gratifications, survey the Pyramids, and confess thy folly! ↗

— Samuel Johnson

#truth #art

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch ↗

— Keisha Keenleyside

#anger #funny #happy #humor #humour

Finalement, le plus grand bénéfice du métier d'humoriste, et plus généralement de l'attitude humoristique, dans la vie, c'est de pouvoir se comporter comme un salaud en toute impunité, et même de pouvoir grassement rentabiliser son abjection, en succès sexuels comme en numéraire, le tout avec l'approbation générale. (La possibilité d'une île, Daniel 1,1) ↗

— Michel Houellebecq

#laugh #attitude

The human body is the best work of art. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#beauty #body #body-image #dancer #desire

The look in her eyes told me that under any other circumstances, I would either already be naked with her on top of me, or lying in a pool of my own blood on the rug. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty

You sure you don't want me to bring you back something?" Her eyes moved in the direction of his office. "A hit man? Some holy water? ↗

— Christina Lauren

#beauty

Wait, you remember that?" "Of course I remember that. You sounded like a frat boy and looked like a fucking model. What man could ever forget that?" "I would have given anything to know what you were thinking right then." "I was thinking, 'Highly fuckable intern, twelve o'clock. Disengage, soldier. I repeat, disengae. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty

I woke up when my pillow was yanked out from under my head and Chloe mumbled something incoherent about spinach and hot dogs. The woman was a sleep-talking, restless bed hog. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty