#joke

Everyone recognizes that's a joke because obviously the number and shape of the pieces doesn't affect the size of the pizza. And similarly, the stocks, bonds, warrants, etc., issued don't affect the aggregate value of the firm. ↗

— Merton Miller

#aggregate #because #bonds #etc #everyone

The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #joke #vindictive #funny

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work. ↗

— Colin Mochrie

#joker #line #practical #traveling #work

I think of myself as a writer with a sense of humour rather than a comedy writer. Happy to tell a story with lots of jokes in it - I wouldn't know how to do jokes without the story. ↗

— Steven Moffat

#happy #how #humour #i #i think

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#elastic #jokes #making #realism #surreal

It's a joke to think that anyone is one thing. We're all such complex creatures. But if I'm going to be a poster child for anything, anger's a gorgeous emotion. It gets a bad rap, but it can make great changes happen. ↗

— Alanis Morissette

#anyone #anything #bad #bad rap #changes

I was so amazingly witty when I had the No. 1 movie, you have no idea. People laughed at every single one of my jokes. Then when I hadn't had a hit for three or four years, some of these same people pretended they didn't see me when I walked in the room. ↗

— Rebecca De Mornay

#every #four #had #hadn #hit

I'd been shy since childhood, constantly full of self-doubt. And as an actor, I'd been so scared of failing that I made my career - and myself - a big joke. ↗

— Emily Mortimer

#been #big #career #childhood #constantly

My husband jokes that I'll invite people over for dinner and he won't know who they are or where I met them. But in my work world, I've never really been tempted to tell too much of my story. ↗

— Carrie-Anne Moss

#dinner #husband #i #invite #jokes

To go from Girl, Interrupted, where I had to cry every day, to a TV show like West Wing where I get to laugh and joke around every day, has been a welcome relief. ↗

— Elizabeth Moss

#been #cry #day #every #every day