#median

When they meet a stand-up comic, people sometimes remark: 'That must be the hardest job in the world.' Among comedians, only Freddie Starr is not embarrassed and slightly appalled by this remark. ↗

— Arthur Smith

#appalled #comedians #comic #embarrassed #freddie

Since 1994, unemployment rates are lower. Median household income is higher. A greater percentage of Americans are graduating from college. Home ownership rates are higher. And the violent crime rate has decreased. ↗

— Cliff Stearns

#crime #crime rate #decreased #graduating #greater

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians. ↗

— Wanda Sykes

#comedians #comedy #first #good #got

I get called all kinds of things - an investigative comedian, a comedian activist - I've lost track of what my job title is. ↗

— Mark Thomas

#called #comedian #get #i #investigative

I thought comedians had to have black on their faces or red beards. ↗

— Dorothy Gish

#black #comedians #faces #had #i

I feel I'm as qualified for office as any of the other comedians who are running. ↗

— Grace Hansen

#comedians #feel #i #i feel #office

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson. ↗

— John Oliver

#hilarious #baseball

Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today? Peanut: Yes we had a great day! Jose: No we did not. Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Yes Jose: No we did not have a good day. Peanut: Yes we hhhaad...a great frickin' day! What? Jeff: Did you have a good day? Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Shut up Jeff: A good day? Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Shut up Jeff: You're supposed to have taken him to the spa. Peanut: I took him to the spa! Jose: He put me in the vegetable steamer. Peanut: It's the same thing!!! ↗

— Jeff Dunham

#humor #jeff-dunham #jose-jalapeno-on-a-stick #peanut #humor

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that. ↗

— Aziz Ansari

#around #audiences #base #because #cheap

Inside was the second LP album of a comedian's performance before an audience. ↗

— Shelley Berman

#audience #before #comedian #inside #performance