#ny

She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#believe #bizarre #funny #honest #honesty

Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #profitable #selling #steal #funny

I am eternally grateful for my knack of finding in great books, some of them very funny books, reason enough to feel honored to be alive, no matter what else might be going on. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#reading #funny

Of course you know, this means war. ↗

— Joe Adamson

#looney-toons #war #funny

You won't even take your bow? Are you planning to throttle a moose with your bare hands, then?" "I've a knife in my boot," she said, and then wondered, for a moment, if she could throttle a moose with her bare hands. ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#funny

I have two friends, Steve and Martin. But I'd happily replace both for the friendship of Steve Martin. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #relationships #steve-martin #friendship

Your mail could've waited." Daemon followed me into the kitchen. "What is it? Just books?" Grabbing the OJ from the fridge, I sighed. People who didn't heart books didn't understand. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#funny #funny

Be careful, though." "Aren't I always?" "No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#real #funny

I was feeling the height of bitchiness. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#katy #funny

They call me, The Sharkalator ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #gazzy #maximum-ride #name-calling #nicknames