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It's been said that adults spend the first two years of their children's lives trying to make them walk and talk, and the next sixteen years trying to get them to sit down and shut up. It's the same way with potty training: Most adults spend the first few years of a child's life cheerfully discussing pee and poopies, and how important it is to learn to put your pee-pee and poo-poo in the potty like big people do. But once children have mastered the art of toilet training, they are immeadiately forbidden to ever talk about poop, pee, toilets and other bathroom-related subjects again. Such things are now considered rude and vulgar, and are no longer rewarded with praise and cookies and juice boxes. One day you're a superstar because you pooped in the toilet like a big boy, and the next day you're sitting in the principal's office because you said the word "poopy" in American History class (which, if you ask me, is the perfect place to say that word).


Dav Pilkey


#potty-humor #toilet-training #art

I will always know the glory of the beautiful and rare, as they will know security from labour and prayer. As they will hear the laughter of the children they gave life, I will know the torments of the song born under knife.


Roman Payne


#artists #creation #creativity #literature #writers

High school parties exhausted me because I always felt like I was the only thinking person in a room mostly full of morons obliterating precious IQ points with every gulp of whatever booze they managed to steal out of their parents' liquor cabinets. College parties are exhausting in a diametrically opposite way. They are full of smart, funny people who are all used to being the smartest, funniest person in the room, so they spend the whole party talking over one another, overlapping and overtaking the conversation to prove that they are the smartest, funniest person in the room, if not the entire planet.


Megan McCafferty


#conversation #parties #funny

Ares sighed "What are the three words said most often in our house?" "Not tonight, Ares?" Than offered. "Funny," Ares growled. "Cara never says that.


Larissa Ione


#sex #funny

Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I'm the woman for him? ~ Susan


Sherrilyn Kenyon


#humor #funny

She didn’t sound overjoyed. She didn’t sound even slightly joyed.


Sarah Mayberry


#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny

And sometimes I'm criticized. But I think that if those who criticize us will look at the reason why the shape is this, well then, I think that they would not object so strenuously.


Minoru Yamasaki


#criticized #i #i think #look #object

I’m currently imagining a few creative ways of causing you extraordinary amounts of pain.” Kingsley raised his chin. Mere inches separated their faces. “Stop flirting. You know we don’t have time for that.


Tiffany Reisz


#humour #funny

May a man live well-, and long-enough, to leave many joyful widows behind him.


Roman Payne


#funny #humor #humour #living #men

Life has a funny way of turning you into the one thing you don't want to be.


Jonathan Levine


#life #you #funny






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