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#random

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #random




A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.
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— Jarod Kintz


#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.
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— Jarod Kintz


#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I pee whilst seated. But it’s hard to focus with people honking at me.
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— Jarod Kintz


#funny #humor #random #random-thought #silly

When she offered me a spot of tea, I said, “No thanks, I’ve already got a spot of tea on my shirt.”
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— Jarod Kintz


#funny #hospitality #humor #random #random-thought

When someone says so-and-so’s opinionated, what’s that mean? Aren’t we all opinionated? Show me one person with no opinions, and I’ll show you a bowl of Jell-O—or a politician, whichever one’s dumber.
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— Jarod Kintz


#funny #humor #politicians #politics #random

Every sex noise can be converted into a note and frozen in a can of soda. Ask me about menstruation music today! 
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— Jarod Kintz


#convert #drink #frozen #funny #humor

My shadow falling over a spot of land always increases its real estate value. Buy it now, because at high noon, all value will vanish.
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— Jarod Kintz


#funny #humor #noon #random #random-thought

Western man has tried for too many centuries to fool himself that he lives in a rational world. No. There's a story about a man who, while walking along the street, was almost hit on the head and killed by an enormous falling beam. This was his moment of realization that he did not live in a rational world but a world in which men's lives can be cut off by a random blow on the head, and the discovery shook him so deeply that he was impelled to leave his wife and children, who were the major part of his old, rational world. My own response to the wild unpredictability of the universe has been to write stories, to play the piano, to read, listen to music, look at paintings - not that the world may become explainable and reasonable but that I may rejoice in the freedom which unaccountability gives us. ↗


— Madeleine L'Engle


#randomness #freedom

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗


— Rick Riordan


#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?
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— Jarod Kintz


#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought






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