#retort

Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?' Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table? ↗

— Frank Zappa

#humor #retort #humor

An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#humor #humour #retort #humor

There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome." "And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody." "And yours," he replied with a smile, "is wilfully to misunderstand them. ↗

— Jane Austen

#defects #dislike #education #hatred #misunderstanding

I don't know how you persist in being so stubborn-" "It's a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#retort #sarcasm #stubborn #superpower #humor

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
 ↗

— Winston Churchill

#drunkenness #retort #classics

You want me to invite him to dinner.” “I want you to invite him to dinner,” she agreed. “You know,” he said, “most gay men don’t have mothers who are this enthusiastic about their love lives.” “That’s probably true,” she said. “You’re one of the lucky ones. ↗

— Matthew Haldeman-Time

#retort #wit #love

I can understand bitchiness in any language. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #retort #richelle-mead #snarkiness #age

I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #individuality #retort #humor

The second mouse gets the cheese!" - The Inimitable Terry Pratchett ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#mouse #proverb #retort #education

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one." — George Bernard Shaw, playwright (to Winston Churchill) "Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one." — Churchill's response ↗

— Winston Churchill

#retort #responsibility