#sarcasm

Knock him out, Paris!” “Sure. Want me to spew diamonds from my ass while I’m at it? ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paris

We came around the corner and stood in the doorway of what looked like a paint-testing ground. This was where we proved once and for all that we were good loving parents. We decided to let him live. "What is painting doing in my best Tupperware bowl?" I yelled. "Well, I needed something lightweight I could carry around with me," he began. "You've been carrying around a brain for year," the boy's father said. ↗

— Sylvia Harney

#home-disasters #humor #parents #sarcasm #home

I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is." "I would," I said, "but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you. ↗

— Kristin Walker

#humor #sarcasm #humor

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#humor #sarcasm #taste #humor

Cam's wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed. "Holy Hell," Callie whispered, blinking. "More or less," Arriane said ↗

— Lauren Kate

#fallen #fallen-angels #humor #ironic #sarcasm

Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked? Jace: I was following you. Simon: Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-lightwood #love #sarcasm #simon-lewis #humor

How long have you been with Raphael?” “You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman.” “What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed.” -Venom and Elena ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor #nalini-singh #paranormal #sarcasm #humor

Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today?" "Is that including, or not including you? ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#sarcasm #humor

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #lack-of-feeling #love #lovelessness #marriage

Amy, Dan, and Nellie were sitting at a table in a conference room, examining reproductions of Franklin documents-some so rare, the librarians told her, the only copies existed in Paris. "Yeah, here's a rare grocery list," Dan muttered. "Wow. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#cahill #humor #rare #sarcasm #humor