#sarcasm

Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you'll steal Nick's powers and kill them both," said Mae. "Great idea. Hey, can i come? I'll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to let blood get on the sandwiches. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#sarcasm #funny

What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humour #sarcasm #today

Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night? ↗

— Kresley Cole

#sarcasm #humor

Rest assured, you make perfectly good nonsense.  I understand you one-hundred-percent not at all. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#nonsense #richelle #richelle-goodrich #sarcasm #unclear

I stood for almost an hour in a line of shuffling, bitter - eyed late mailers (Christmas is such a carefree, low - pressure time - that's one of the things I love about it),... ↗

— Stephen King

#christmas #sarcasm #love

I try to smile at her, but I can't extend my flexibility training to my mouth, it just won't move. ↗

— Steph Campbell

#sadness #sarcasm #humor

All right,” she said a little sarcastically. “I was going to assume you liked eating babies and sacrificing virgins, but I might as well ask, what do you do for fun?” “I languish in sin,” I replied in the same tone. “I take my babies rare, and my virgins over easy. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#dark #humor #michael #sarcasm #humor

Young people, nowadays, imagine that money is everything. Yes, murmured Lord Henry, settling his button-hole in his coat; and when they grow older they know it. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#imagine #know #money #old #sarcasm

Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful! ↗

— George Carlin

#sarcasm #humor

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#cheerfulness #humor #merriment #optimism #pleasantness