#sex

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships. ↗

— Sacha Baron Cohen

#love #relationships #sex #humor

I'd like to think they're staring at me because of my white-hot animal magnetism, but I'm not Elvis. I'm Lobster Boy, hear me roar. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#sex-appeal #humor

Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s Day.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flowers #funny #humor #love #naughty

Miss Edmonton: I don't even know where to start. It's too horrifying to even speak of. Jenny: Nonsense. Let's start with the basics. What did your aunt tell you? Miss Edmonton: My aunt said that my husband will come into my room and pull my skirt up. And then he'll put himself inside of me. She said it hurts. She suggested I hold my tongue and pretend I am somewhere else until he is done. Jenny: Yes. I should think it would hurt if you did it that way. Good heavens. ↗

— Courtney Milan

#humor #sex-ed #humor

Gabby couldn't believe what he had just said. Her mouth gaped open and a flirty smile came over her. She slowly peeled her half wet white t-shirt over her head and then slowly shimmied out of her shorts. What had gotten into her? She had never acted like this before, but she suddenly felt playful, fun and daring. If he wanted to play, so could she. ↗

— J.B. McGee

#girly #sexy #sexy-humor #women #humor

You are quite possibly the least smooth guy I know,” she mumbled. “You can’t even put your arm around me without tripping up. ↗

— Lish McBride

#sarcasm #sex #smooth #humor

I totally bought you as a girl," says Marisol. "I'll double check with Frances later, but by the sounds of things, you seem to have no balls. ↗

— Dana Reinhardt

#girls #guys #humor #sexual #voice

—¿Así que no vas a preguntar? Lo estudié, entrecerrando los ojos. Tenía un mal presentimientos sobre esto. Pero las palabras salieron de mi boca, totalmente fuera de mi control. —¿Por qué te llaman Horse? —Porque me cuelga como a uno —respondió, sonriendo. ↗

— Joanna Wylde

#sexy #humor

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#sexism #humor

It’s the only thing sexier than a sexy woman. A sexy woman cooking fuckin’ sausages. ↗

— Roddy Doyle

#sexy-humor #humor