#sleeping

I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up.
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— Jarod Kintz

#cry #crying #death #sleeping #sob

When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#death #ditch #find #found #job

To go to bed at night in Madrid marks you as a little queer. For a long time your friends will be a little uncomfortable about it. Nobody goes to bed in Madrid until they have killed the night. Appointments with a friend are habitually made for after midnight at the cafe. ↗

— Ernest Hemingway

#night #sleeping-at-night #death

I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were fishing in the Utah desert. You caught a dinosaur, but due to Federal regulations, we had to release the bones so Ted Kennedy could drive back to the cemetery, drunk.
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you last night. We moved into a cabin in the countryside. I couldn't handle the spiders. You couldn't handle my drama. I moved back to the city. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your back, and you didn’t like it when I kept calling you “donkey face.” I was shocked, and I said, “You should be flattered that I think you look like Miley Cyrus.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were in a canoe, and we were paddling across the desert. You said you were thirsty, and I pointed to the sand that surrounded us and said, “No, I will not urinate in your mouth.” At that point I woke up, because I realized I really had to pee—and get a drink of water.
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— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships