#sleeping

I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet, but instead of eating food, we were forced to eat our words. You were eating words like “Winner,” “Victory,” and Triumphant,” while I was eating words like “Macaroni,” “Pizza,” and “Meatloaf.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. I left for the country club, you the mountain top, knowing that at our reunion one would fall. When golf clubs fence with skis, both summer and winter are painted red. In the contact sports of the wealthy, the seasons are no longer impersonal forces. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. It was wet, but not lucid. So I couldn’t control my spraying hose. I think it means we shouldn’t join the fire department together. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. I sat at your table of brotherhood and asked why you invited so many strangers. You laughed and passed me the bread bowl. But the guest in-between us took the last roll before it reached me. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We made love like mannequins, and afterwards we laid in bed, exhausted and extinguished, which was indistinguishable from our insatiable sexual congress—and also identical to the way Congress goes about fucking us.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

The moon looked like melted mozzarella to my bleary and blurry vision. Was I tired, intoxicated, or in love? Or was I sober, asleep, and alone?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#asleep #blurry #cheese #drunk #intoxicated

I had a dream about you. You had no skin or muscle on your face, and to try to conceal your bare skull you liberally applied lipstick and makeup. Your birthday was coming up, and I knew you were probably sensitive about parties that emphasize the aging process, so I decided to box up your gift in a coffin and wrap it with black wrapping paper. I got you the best gift ever too—a hooker, who happened to be dead, because that enabled me to procure a sizeable discount.
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— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

My mother gets all mad at me if I stay in a hotel. I'm 31-years-old, and I don't want to sleep on a sleeping bag down in the basement. It's humiliating. ↗

— Ben Affleck

#bag #basement #down #gets #hotel

My goal is to hit the gym every day I'm on vacation. Usually I just end up sleeping and drinking beer. ↗

— Gary Allan

#day #drinking #end #every #every day

I will continue to distribute blankets, sleeping bags, warm clothing and food on a regular basis, in the hope that my modest efforts will give some comfort to those people we are able help. ↗

— Mohamed Al-Fayed

#bags #basis #blankets #clothing #comfort