#sleeping

I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were in a canoe, and we were paddling across the desert. You said you were thirsty, and I pointed to the sand that surrounded us and said, “No, I will not urinate in your mouth.” At that point I woke up, because I realized I really had to pee—and get a drink of water.
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— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You were Ginger Rogers, and you were trying to teach me to dance, even though my movements were as stiff as a mannequin. I think you tolerated my abysmal rhythm because I was naked, and my body was so sexy it could be used to sell clothes. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#because #bed #blanket #children #crooked

Through such advanced techniques like sleeping, I started exploring the depths of me. And until you find out who you are, or stop yawning, I suggest you do the same. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #sleeping #funny

I like cream and sugar in my sleep. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#sleep #sleeping #change

I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Life: I’ll never understand it. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#short-story #tony-takitani #life

I think if the church did what they were supposed to do we wouldn't have anyone sleeping on the streets. ↗

— Michael W. Smith

#church #did #i #i think #sleeping

When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#death #ditch #find #found #job