#u

My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. ↗

— Samuel Johnson

#funny #humour #review #funny

Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ascanio #awesome #church #funny #hilarious

hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home," I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you," he says. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#fire #funny #games #hunger #funny

If I were a mannequin, I'd know people would only want me for my body. But that's OK, because that's how it is now. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#lust #mannequin #funny

Love is a tomato. And while it's true that I can live without a tomato, I could sure go for some ketchup. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #love #funny

If girlfriends were knees, I'd love to have both of mine replaced. That way, it'd be easier to run around on them. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#girlfriends #knees #replaced #run-around #witty

The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies. ↗

— Robert Conquest

#funny #management #funny

Leo took out a pen and autographed the arm of one of the nymphs. “Narcissus is a loser! He’s so weak, he can’t bench-press a Kleenex. He’s so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it’s got a picture of Narcissus—only the picture’s so ugly, no one ever checks it out. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#leo-valdez #funny

Leo,” Hazel gasped, “I can’t—my arms—” “Hazel,” he said. “Do you trust me?” “No!” “Me neither,” Leo admitted. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #leo-i-love-you-ok #lol #trust #funny

I always pass on good advice, it is the only thing to do with it.It is never of any use to oneself. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #humor