#w

I want to do it too!” said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless. “Nope,” said Nudge, shaking her head. “You stand out like a fart in church. ↗

— James Patterson

#fart #funny #lol #powers #funny

Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damagers awards. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#lawyers #funny

Jocko likes salty, Jocko likes sweet, but never bring Jocko any hot sauce, like with jalapenos, because it makes Jocko squirt funny-smelling stuff out his ears. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#jocko #salty #sweet #funny

A funny little literary article in the hand is worth at least three Critiques of Pure Reason in the bush. ↗

— Aldous Huxley

#funny

Liebe auf den ersten Blick existierte. Vielleicht nicht unbedingt zwischen Männern und Frauen. Aber definitiv zwischen Frauen und ganz bestimmten Klamotten. Ich sah es auf den ersten Blick – dieses Kleid und ich, wir waren füreinander geschaffen. ↗

— Emilia Polo

#funny-quotes #women #funny

When there's an attractive lifeguard on duty I always drown at least twice. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lifeguards #funny

Flutters awakened inside her as he fitted his hands at her waist. "What if I don't like it? What if I want you to stop?" "You'll have a safe word. The second you say it, I'll stop." "What if I forget my safe word?" His lips twitched. "All you have to do is answer a security question, and I'll send you an e-mail to reset it. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#funny #humor #jason #justine #kinbaku

It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much. ↗

— Bauvard

#exercise #funny #humor #outdoors #wind

When horsepower matches willpower, a road trip doesn’t end with the ocean. It only begins with a six pack. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #horsepower #humor #road-trips #willpower

Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #coffee #funny #humor #random