#wife

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience! ↗

— Tommy Cooper

#i #marriage #married #toilet #well

Let's put it this way, when I was casting, I cast Viggo first and then found someone who could play his wife, rather than the other way around. So for me he's still the lead character. ↗

— David Cronenberg

#cast #casting #character #could #first

I haven't got a car or a house. I've got a wife, but I didn't pay for her! I spend all my money on my glorious wife. She's here with a knife at my throat! ↗

— Mackenzie Crook

#glorious #got #haven #her #here

I go light on breakfast. Sometimes it's a yogurt, but a lot of times it's leftovers from one of my wife's dinners. ↗

— Ice Cube

#dinners #go #i #leftovers #light

Now that I have kids, I'm probably more overprotective than I've ever been. My wife's nickname for me is 'red alert.' I sometimes check just to see if the kids are breathing. But I try not to be a helicopter parent. ↗

— Matt Damon

#been #breathing #check #ever #helicopter

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#bee #birds #butcher #got #him

It's better when you have your wife with you, more fun. ↗

— Evan Dando

#fun #more #wife #you #your

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#every #every night #goes #i #me

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#always #day #did #eye #garbage

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#boyfriend #broke #her #just #marriage