Dave Barry

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. ↗

— Dave Barry

#circumstances #never #night #pill #same

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ↗

— Dave Barry

#never #people #religious #religious views #share

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. ↗

— Dave Barry

#always #miles #opportunity #prevailing #rain

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. ↗

— Dave Barry

#after #come #offending #people #problem

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. ↗

— Dave Barry

#adolescent #embarrassing #more #nothing #parent

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. ↗

— Dave Barry

#idiot #mean #professional #used #user

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. ↗

— Dave Barry

#another #beers #between #depressing #especially

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. ↗

— Dave Barry

#combines #down #face #fun #knocking

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail. ↗

— Dave Barry

#because #citizens #cooperate #duty #feel

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. ↗

— Dave Barry

#crawling #fat #french