Dave Barry

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. ↗

— Dave Barry

#african-american #american men #giant #heads #like

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. ↗

— Dave Barry

#auto #boring #down #except #going

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. ↗

— Dave Barry

#boring #catch #disgusting #fish #fishing

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. ↗

— Dave Barry

#dance #get #just #nobody #nobody cares

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. ↗

— Dave Barry

#basically #celery #democrats #demonstrated #management

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. ↗

— Dave Barry

#catch #count #did #increasing #metric

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires. ↗

— Dave Barry

#believe #bills #cannot #company #electric

Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true! ↗

— Dave Barry

#certain #even #had #job #like

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. ↗

— Dave Barry

#being #consumed #geographically #ireland #island

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. ↗

— Dave Barry

#am #computer #his #i #i am