#absurd

I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it because I’m thirsty, and I’ll ask for a straw. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #hungry #funny

Absurdity and anti—absurdity are the two poles of creative energy. ↗

— Karl Lagerfeld

#absurdity #anti-absurdity #art #bi #bipolar

Eating a plain bagel with no cream cheese is like eating the inner tube of a bicycle tire, and I’d rather ride my roller skates to work. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bagel #funny #funny

Agatha had her tubes tied and now she can’t get any toothpaste. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #money #odd

If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing about walking, and I freaking hate walking. Somebody might ask me, “Hey, do you want to go for a walk?” and I’ll reply, “Nope. But I do want to have a seat on a chair with wheels and roll along with you.” So maybe flight isn’t so cool after all. Possibly birds get pissed off they have to fly everywhere.   ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#birds #flight #flying #walking #life

To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to sound romantic. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Flying is simple. Hitting the ground is hard ↗

— Josh Stern

#flyinf #ground #hard #humor #simple

You'll never know what psychopathic heights you're capable of, just lying there on the sofa ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor-inspirational #psycopaths #sofa #inspirational

We can regard our life as a uselessly disturbing episode in the blissful repose of nothingness. ↗