#absurd

I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #bizarre #drink #freeze #froze

Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window ↗

— Josh Stern

#comedy #humor

If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us? ↗

— Jon Stewart

#good-questions #life

This is the story of two men who met in a banana republic. One of them never did anything dishonest in his life except for one crazy minute. The other never did anything honest in his life except for one crazy minute. ↗

— Preston Sturges

#life

Snorkel through our vibrant menagerie of fish and marine life, each one of which has been clearly tagged and labeled for your convenience. Do you think the jokers at Sandals would do that for you? We’ve stocked our ivory reef with disparate creatures from all over the world, creating a lavishly unbalanced ecosystem that you have to see to believe. Often the things that nature never intended are the most fun to look at. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#resorts #life

I made myself an “I Love Jennifer” jacket out of my old “I Love Jenn” jacket. Two girls, one continuous love. The I Love Jennifer is a little off-center, but then so am I. Better than being self-centered, as my clone would probably say. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clone #clothing #commitment #devotion #i-love-jenn

No people find each other more absurd than lovers ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#love #lover #people #relationships #love

THE POLITICIAN If it wasn't for graft, you'd get a very low type of people in politics. Men without ambition. Jellyfish! CATHERINE Especially since you can't rob the people anyway. THE POLITICIAN Sure...How was that? CATHERINE What you rob, you spend. And what you spend goes back to the people. So where's the robbery? I read that in one of my father's books. THE POLITICIAN That book should be in every home! ↗

— Preston Sturges

#writing #men

He was a man I came to respect. Not because he wore Ziploc bags for socks (he had sweaty feet), but because he also kept his sandwiches warming there while he walked. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#respect #respect

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel. ↗

— Woody Allen

#heaven