#absurd

Reality was one step out of line, a cardigan with the buttons done up wrong. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#humor #humor

Despite marking the spot, Generation X has no treasure. How could they, when I dug it up first? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#digging #generation #generation-x #map #nonsense

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub? ↗

— Norton Juster

#bathtub #fantasy #fiction #hearing #kids

Scoop out my soul with a spoon like it’s a cantaloupe, and I’ll tell you that love is breakfast. And I’d love to make breakfast to Agatha one more time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #random #love

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels.... ↗

— Josh Stern

#funny #humor #naked #paints #picture

Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor-funny-absurd #me #need #reason #women

A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted a non-sequitur detective. Don't worry, he didn't follow me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #surreal #funny

I like farm salmon. I like the idea of fish growing on trees. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic. ↗

— Woody Allen

#atheism #humor #religion #humor

The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five. ↗

— Carl Sagan

#humor #reason #sagan #war #humor