#birthday

The value of me is equal to 5097033198, but also 3051982. The first is my phone number, and the second is my birthday. I assign values to people. My fifth grade bus driver had a Cheeto factor of four. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #phone-number #value #equality

My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#electrocution #funny #funny

My birthday is on a holiday, I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#commemorate #death #holiday #humor #immortalize

Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after Christmas. "My parents just combine my birthday with Christmas, that's all," he explained. But we knew this was a lie. Glen's parents just wrapped a couple of his Christmas presents in birthday-themed wrapping paper, stuck some candles in a supermarket cake, and had a dinner of Christmas leftovers. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#christmas #humor #humor

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. ↗

— Oprah Winfrey

#celebrate #life #more #praise #you

I count too heavily on birthdays, though I know I shouldn't. Inevitably I begin to assess my life by them, figure out how I'm doing by how many people remember; it's like the old fantasy of attending your own funeral: You get to see who your friends are, get to see who shows up. ↗

— Lorrie Moore

#life

I festered with this duality of love and ego, where ego scorns the very love its seeking and then despairs in its absence. ↗

— Meghna Pant

#meghna-pant #love

Birthdays are nature's way of telling you to eat more cake. ↗

— Jo Brand

#cakes #indulging #nature

Happy birthday,” she said. “And next time? Eat the stupid cupcake. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#claire-danvers #cupcake #morganville-vampires #shane-collins #short-story

The main prank that we play with props is for people's birthdays. The special effects people will put a little explosive in the cake so it blows up in their face - that's always fun to play on a guest star, or one of the trainees or someone who's new. ↗

— Catherine Bell

#always #birthdays #blows #cake #effects